I miss my Daddy.
I don't know why it struck me so fiercely this evening, but it did, as it does from time to time. I don't know what sparked it.... Perhaps it was Thanksgiving. Perhaps it was Louie dying. Perhaps it was my wrist giving me problems right now and I'm wishing he was here to tell me what to do about it. Perhaps it was that we have so much going on right now and I want to share it with him. Perhaps it was all of this together, and more....
Perhaps it was simply that I miss him.
I miss him every day. It is palpable even thirteen years later. But I don't have a "hard time" every day. Of course, I always miss him, but many of the times I think of him each day are happy thoughts and memories. I can barely look into Boots' beautiful, clear blue eyes ~ my Daddy's eyes ~ without feeling that I am glimpsing into his eyes. I often think of him when I think about how Alli Lane always keeps a grin on her face that absolutely lights her up all over, just as his grin lit him up and rarely left his face. I am so blessed to have my girls, so blessed that they have special little traits of his. But to be honest, it makes me sad, too. He would be such a precious granddaddy to my girls. He would absolutely adore them, and they would adore him. I hate so much that he isn't here ~ that I don't have the joy of watching them with him, that they will never have the joy of him.
These little "bad" times sneak up on me from time to time; they eventually pass. I still don't always know what to do when they do. Sometimes I read my Bible. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I look at pictures and read my journal of memories of him. Tonight, it struck while I was rocking my baby girl to sleep. So what did I do? I kept rocking, I held her a little bit closer, and I cried like the baby that she is.
I don't know why it struck me so fiercely this evening, but it did, as it does from time to time. I don't know what sparked it.... Perhaps it was Thanksgiving. Perhaps it was Louie dying. Perhaps it was my wrist giving me problems right now and I'm wishing he was here to tell me what to do about it. Perhaps it was that we have so much going on right now and I want to share it with him. Perhaps it was all of this together, and more....
Perhaps it was simply that I miss him.
I miss him every day. It is palpable even thirteen years later. But I don't have a "hard time" every day. Of course, I always miss him, but many of the times I think of him each day are happy thoughts and memories. I can barely look into Boots' beautiful, clear blue eyes ~ my Daddy's eyes ~ without feeling that I am glimpsing into his eyes. I often think of him when I think about how Alli Lane always keeps a grin on her face that absolutely lights her up all over, just as his grin lit him up and rarely left his face. I am so blessed to have my girls, so blessed that they have special little traits of his. But to be honest, it makes me sad, too. He would be such a precious granddaddy to my girls. He would absolutely adore them, and they would adore him. I hate so much that he isn't here ~ that I don't have the joy of watching them with him, that they will never have the joy of him.
These little "bad" times sneak up on me from time to time; they eventually pass. I still don't always know what to do when they do. Sometimes I read my Bible. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I look at pictures and read my journal of memories of him. Tonight, it struck while I was rocking my baby girl to sleep. So what did I do? I kept rocking, I held her a little bit closer, and I cried like the baby that she is.
2 comments:
Britt,
I think of your dad often. I'll see someone who reminds me of him and just think of times at your house. He was always so much fun! Many are blessed to have known him.
Melody U
Sweet Girl...I understand, I think...your thoughts and pain. Like you...I just miss my Dad...He left us and joined God in 96' Life hasn't been the same since. Like you..The Holidays can bring back sweet memories...and I long for MORE! Like you...I know my Dad would've loved, loved our two little grandsons. I just miss him. Your Dad was so darn special, too! Gosh...heaven has all the best! I think rocking your sweet LIL' girl was the best! Life is so full and looking into her eyes can sure bring tears along with such joy! I wish I could rock ours, too. They live in Hawaii....and we live in VA. Sooo kiss the moments and be happy for tomorrow is a new day. Your Dad's spirit is alive and well! Don't you just feel him close by! Glory be to God! Make it a really blessed day, dear. Love, Gail
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